What does it look like to open your heart?
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Today I stumbled upon the song "Hello My Old Heart" by the rock duo The Oh Hello's.
https://youtu.be/AObC5VKMdEc
Ahhh, this is one of those songs that touches you deeply as soon as you hear the first few notes. One of those songs that brings tears to your eyes without any warning.
It touched me so much that I went to find the lyrics on Youtube. You know, on this kind of expressive song on Youtube, it's very common to find dozens of comments from people who share the same emotions as you at this moment.
So I went on Youtube to find the lyrics, read the comments. And I saw one, then two, then three, then four that related so well what I'm experiencing right now. I'm putting a few of them here for context:
"This is a song that I resonate with on a very deep level; many are saying it's sad yet happy. That's because it is… it's about closing yourself off from others after being hurt, but in the end realizing that staying safe is no way to live. In the end you need to take risks and set yourself free. To numb the worst pain is also to numb the greatest joys. It's about accepting pain as a part of life, and refusing to put your heart in an armored cage."
Ee Synopsis
"The best moment I guess, is the time where you finally stop running away and realize that being hurt is still way better than not feeling anything at all. I'm back again, my poor little, old heart."
Christine Mae
"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" C. S. Lewis in The four loves.
I love how Lewis inspires their songs. This one is my favorite (:Debora Borges
This is it. Today, I have relatives, friends that I love very much. People I love and who love me back. I have never felt as loved and surrounded as I do now.
And yet, I have never felt as alone as I do now.
Isn't that a paradox? I feel like I have all the things my heart desires, and yet my heart is not happy. It is even sad, very sad.
I have long since given up hope of ever feeling that joy of living again, that effervescence that I once had. I think I have made up my mind that my time on earth will end this way.
Featured image by burak kostak on Pexels.